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WELCOME to email@example.com
Hi! This is the ezmlm program. I'm managing the
firstname.lastname@example.org mailing list.
CONGRATULATIONS!!! You are now a TwistedHumor.com subscriber. The
following email address will receive one email per day containing jokes,
funny images, humorous program files, and more:
Please save this message so that you know the address
you are subscribed under, in case you later want to
unsubscribe or change your subscription address.
To subscribe, unsubscribe, look at past jokes or iamges, learn more
about the company, advertise or add friends to the list, simply visit
our website at
If you have multiple email accounts (say one for work and one for home)
and you would like to receive the daily mailing to both, simply visit
our site and subscribe your other email account. It’s as easy as that.
1. What is TwistedHumor.com
It’s the worlds largest ** free ** humor site with over 300,000
subscribers and 25 million page hits per month. We provide a daily
e-mail to you containing one or two gas ripping jokes and a link
to an image so hilarious that you’ll be shedding tears of laughter.
2. Is it free?
Does a dolt have trouble with Calculus ? Please read answer number
one above. Oh never mind, to reiterate, ‘Yes it’s free!’
3. Why would you and how can you do this for free?
We do it for free because we are making amends for the evils we all
did in our previous occupations. And it’s free to you as a subscriber
and always will be, because we have advertisers that come in and fund
this project for all of you. That’s why you’ll see a couple teeny,
tiny ads in each joke mail you get. So you can be happy knowing that
your subscription will always be free.
4. Ah, so the email we receive will be mostly ads then?
OK, listen to what I am saying. There will be ‘teeny,tiny’ ads in
there. We restrict the ads to no more than about 50 words each. So
to answer your question, which was already answered above, Nope.
Also, we restrict the total number of adds to 3 per email. It takes
the average user about 3 to 5 seconds to read an ad, or about 15
seconds per ad for one of our staff members. So 3 ads times 5 seconds
comes out to about 15 seconds of your day which isn’t much of a price
to pay to get some great rib cracking entertainment. However, you are
in no way obligated to read the ads. Keep in mind though that it’s
our advertisers who make it possible for us to send you this IQ killer
every day, so if something looks interesting, check it out and
5. Hmmm. It sounds good, but how did I become a subscriber?
Well, you had to confirm that you wanted to be subscribed before
getting this email, so there is no way around it. You decided to
join. You can always unsubscribe through our website.
6. Are you the same TwistedHumor.com that I’ve read about in the papers
and seen featured all over the place, made famous by your ‘Make money
by reading jokes’ program?
Yesiree, that be us. We are now almost as big as MicroSoft and have been
profiled a number of times in the press. To see a portion of these
profiles, shoot on over to our PRESS page:
www.twistedhumor.com/press.shtml As for the ‘how to make money by
reading jokes program,’ you can either continue reading this list
or jump right down to item #16 on this list.
7. What can I expect to see in my TwistedHumor.com email every day?
Literally, you’ll find about 5 mins of unproductive time for you in
there. But if you look deeper, you’ll find two intestine rupturing
jokes as well as a link back to our site showcasing the ‘image of
the day’, or sometimes an audio or video file of the day. Either way,
it’s something that should have you cracking up, slapping your side,
making you shoot milk outta your nose, and definitely something you
should treasure always. We normally charge, ummmm... err... $29.95 for
each of these, yeah, and uh, well since you’re our millionth
subscriber, we’re giving it to you for free, every day. In fact
we’re gonna pay you for it. Seriously! But more on that later down
the list (#16 to be exact).
8. So do I just get one e-mail each day, and when do I get it?
Yup, just one email per day, seven days per week. Geeez, isn’t that
enough? Our subscriber list is so large that if we sent any more
content, it would make all of you even MORE unproductive at work, and
we could be directly responsible for the collapse of the economy. As
for receiving it, we try to send everything out during the late night
hours and wee early morning before any living creature should be up.
So hopefully if all goes well, you’ll have it waiting for you when you
get to work. You DO work, dontcha?
9. Are these nasty jokes? How bad to they get? I mean can I tell my
boss? My mom? My priest?
The problem with most joke lists is they are rated G, sometimes even
a scary PG-13, which means some of the funniest crap is left out. We
promise to get you all the vulgar and good stuff, along with the
rated G stuff too. So, if your boss, mom and priest have a good sense
of humor, you should be OK. However, if they get offended by a little
swearing, or some obligatory sex, then I wouldn’t tell them. Every
so often you’ll get a joke suited for a Walt Disney theme park that
you can throw out to even your children (if you are an AOL user or
one of those ICQ folks that forwards every damn URL you get your
hands on to everybody on your list, I pray you don’t have children.)
10. But what are considered bad words or vulgar words?
Geez, we aint a censoring organization. If you turn on the TV during
prime time, you hear words like ‘bitch’, ‘ass’, ‘whore’, ‘dick’,
‘bastard’, ‘son of a bitch’, and so on. So I guess those are rated
PG words and not considered that bad nowadays. Words such as God
Damn, Fuck, Asshole and the likes would be considered bad by the
censors. You be the judge. 99% of our jokes rarely use anything
like this, but if you’re offended by such language, you probably
want to get off the list now…. but of course you’ll be missing
out on some hilarious shit! (Can they say that on TV yet?) If you
don’t get off now, then you can’t bitch at us later (that one they
can say on TV). Beyond words though, are what might be considered
sensitive subjects or sacred topics. Will we exploit these areas?
Heck yeah! Those make the funniest jokes. Religion, Sex, Farts,
Homosexuality, Obesity and all the other great topics. They are JOKES
11. Wont those topics offend a lot of people?
I doubt it. Does it offend you? If it does, we don’t want you on the
list anyway. People sign up to a joke list knowing that everything
they read *IS* a joke and must be taken with a grain of salt. As a
subscriber, you always have the option to unsubscribe yourself from
the list. We aren’t holding a gun to your head forcing you to read
these jokes. We believe that most adults have a good enough sense
of humor to realize this and will enjoy the content each day. Everybody
has a different sense of humor though, so what might be funny to one
person might not be at all funny to the next. We test the jokes on a
group of people to make sure they all like it before it goes out. Of
course, every once in a while I find one that has me rolling on the
floor, coughing up my lungs from laughing so hard that I veto anybody’s
objection to including it. Hail to the king, baby!
12. So you have a group of people that go over the jokes before
including it in TwistedHumor.com?
You got it. Our office is filled with the most serious people I have
ever met. Put about 40 of these folks in a comedy club and any poor
comics that come out are doomed to failure. Careers over, baby. When
a joke comes along that makes each and every one of them laugh, it is
deemed acceptable for our readers. Same thing goes for our daily image.
Some of these have literally had me needing the Heimlich maneuver
performed to unlodge my lunch from my lungs after having viewed them.
13. Are you REALLY the largest Humor Mailing List in the World? I am
currently subscribed to three lists that all claim they are the largest.
They are either wrong, or just haven’t updated their web sites to state
that they are the 2nd or 3rd largest humor mailing list in the world.
Maybe that or they’re just trying to be funny, like the comedians that
they are! We have 300,000 subscribers and climbing, and by the time the
nearest joker hits 300,000 themselves, we’ll be at twice that. As far
as I know, we are the only list that can have its numbers verified.
Not only do we proivide links and emails to some of our advertisers
(they can vouch for us), but we are the only humor mailing list audited.
Our email mailing service can also verify our list size (they know us
well, 'cause we crashed their first program before moving to something
14. Can I send you jokes?
Yup. On our web site we have a page that will inform you of the steps
required to submit a joke, funny image, audio or video file or even an
interesting program. It’s in the main menu as ‘SUBMIT A JOKE’
15. What if I want to send you something that is funny but does not fit
any particular category?
You can send those as well. Use the same steps required for sending in
a joke. Click on the above link to see those steps.
16. OK, back to the subject of making money. What’s this I hear about
getting paid for reading jokes?
Well, you don’t actually get paid to read jokes. What we have here at
TwistedHumor.com is a referral system that pays you money for getting
people to sign up for our service. All you do is have people subscribe
to the joke list like you did, it’s that easy. At the most basic level,
the more people we have subscribed, the more advertisers we can get and
the more that can be charged for the advertising. That’s the way the
world works. HOWEVER, we set aside half of the profits made from this
advertising and pay it back to our subscribers who have been referring
people to our site.
17. I forward the jokes to people at work anyway. So what you’re saying
is I can just forward a joke and ask them to sign up to TwistedHumor.com’s
mailing list like I did, and I would earn money from that?
You got it, slick.
18. Well how do I make money from that?
If you visit our web site and click on the ‘Make money reading jokes’
link, it will take you to a sign up form that takes just about 60 seconds
to fill out. When done, you will an affiliate ID, and affiliate link
along with a banner that has your affiliate ID embedded in it. If you
forward a joke, or any email for that matter and add the link with your
affiliate ID in it and that person clicks on it, it will take them to
our web site where they can sign up. If they do sign up anytime between
the time they clicked your link and 60 days from then, they now become
what we call a Level 1 partner of yours. What you want them to do is to
also sign up to the referral program. If they do sign up for it and get
people to sign up under them, the web site will track this for you and
those new people now become your Level 2 partners, and his Level 1
partners. You get 10 points for every level 1 partner you sign up,
and 3 points for every level 2 partner you sign up. Every quarter
(3 months), 50% of the profits will be set aside and get paid out to
the affiliates. The more points you have, the higher the percentage of
the profits pool you get. Some people will make a few dollars if they
barely sign anybody up, while others could make thousands of dollars,
19. Does it cost anything to sign up as an affiliate?
Nope. It’s absolutely free! You can also place the banner that you get
on your web site and anybody that clicks on it will be taken to our site
to subscribe to our TwistedHumor.com mailing list. If they do, you get
10 points. And why wouldn't they? It's free, and they get jokes and
funny pictures every single day. We even have a horoscope section, for
crying out loud. We have one individual who’s web site is generating
dozens of subscribers every single day. Another subscriber got over
50 level 1 partners from sending out a message to his ICQ list and then
just over 700 level 2 partners from people they signed up. His check
should be somewhat substantial.
20. How do I know how many people are signing up?
You will receive a link to your maintenance page via email so you can
track your progress. It’s really a great program to make extra money,
and all you are doing is asking people to sign up for a great free joke
service, like you did. Nobody has to buy anything, ever. All you have to
do is laugh.
21. Where can I find out more?
You can go to the following link which covers the program in detail. You
can sign up today to become an affiliate and begin making money right away.
The sooner you get involved, the higher the potential is to make more
money. If you don’t sign up now, I’m betting somebody soon will send
you a link to sign up under them. You watch! Go to
Sit back and enjoy!
Yours in humor,
Manuel Coats, President
Once again, thank you for joining TwistedHumor.com
the world's most hilarious site.
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