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humor: sep 02 -- Can UCLA?
Nick's G-Rated Humor List
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years,"
the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between
the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often
carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her,
'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her
20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle
he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between
bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his
hands up like claws and roar loudly.
So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the
time he reached the front. The little boy, however, was getting more and
more distressed from all the laughing, and was near tears by the time he
reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and
said, "I was being the Ring Bear."
[forwarded by Gabe Combs]
Mikey's Thot for the Day:
There is an old proverb that says just about anything you want it to.
~ Middle Age: When actions creak louder than words.
~ Egotist: One who is me-deep in conversation.
~ To my sweetheart: My cooking's gotten better since I fondue.
~ Did you hear about the man who refused his dentist's Novocain
during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
~ Income Tax: Capital punishment.
~ A used car is not always what it's jacked up to be.
~ Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie.
~ Why won't melons elope? They cantaloupe.
~ Archeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins.
~ Kleptomaniac: One who can't help himself from helping himself.
~ Did you hear about the snake who gave birth to a bouncing baby boa?
~ Once I got angry at the chef of an Italian restaurant.
So I gave him a pizza my mind.
~ California smog test: Can UCLA?
~ The competition at a local dog show was quite "Ruff."
-~ Q: How did the pig with laryngitis feel? A: Dis gruntled.
[forwarded by Time to Smile, Zondervan's periodic humor list:
From MIKEY'S FUNNIES, brought to you
by Mike Atkinson @ YOUTH SPECIALTIES
Youth Ministry on the Net:
Real Help for Real Ministry
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humor 1.94.3+ 9908