humor: sep 11 -- The Stress Diet

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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The Stress Diet   (a pleasant re-run!!)
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  This is designed to help you cope with
  the stress that builds up during the day.

  BREAKFAST:
  Grapefruit
  1 Slice whole Wheat Toast
  8 oz Skim Milk

  LUNCH:
  4 oz Lean Broiled Chicken Breast
  1 C Steamed Spinach
  1 C Herb Tea
  1 Oreo Cookie

  MID-AFTERNOON SNACK:
  The rest of Oreos in the package
  2 Pts Rocky Road Ice Cream, Nuts,
  Cherries and Whipped Cream
  1 Jar Hot Fudge Sauce

  DINNER:
  2 Loaves Garlic Bread
  4 cans or 1 large pitcher of Coke
  1 large Sausage, Mushroom and Cheese Pizza
  3 Snicker bars

  LATE EVENING NEWS:
  Entire frozen Sara Lee Cheesecake
  (eaten directly from the freezer)

  RULES FOR THIS DIET:

1.   If you eat something and no one see you eat it,
     it has no calories.

2.   If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the
     calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

3.   When you eat with someone else, calories don't
     count if you do not eat more than they do.

4.   Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts,
     such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5.   If you fatten up everyone else around you,
     then you look thinner.

6.   Movie related foods do not have additional
     calories because they are part of the entertainment package
     and not part of one's personal fuel. Examples: Milk Duds,
     Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots & Tootsie Rolls.

7.   Cookie pieces contain no calories.  The process of
     breaking causes calorie leakage.

8.   Things licked off knives and spoons have no
     calories if you are in the process of preparing
     something.

9.   Foods that have the same color have the same
     number of calories. Examples are: Spinach & Pistachio
     Ice Cream; Mushrooms & Mashed Potatoes.

10.  Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted
     for any other food color.

11.  Anything consumed while standing has no calories.
     This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

12.  Anything consumed from someone else's plate has
     no calories since the calories rightfully belong to
     the other person and will cling to his/her plate.
     (We all know how calories like to cling!!)

REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS.
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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908
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