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humor: sep 19 -- SUNDAY STUFF
Nick's G-Rated Humor List
Why God Created Cats (From the Archives of Andy)
Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked
with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am
lonesome here & it is difficult for me to remember how
much you love me."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion
for you that will be with you forever & who will be a
reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me
even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish
or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion
will accept you as you are & will love you as I do, in
spite of yourself."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for
Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam & he
wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already
named all the animals in the Kingdom & I cannot think
of a name for this new animal."
And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this
new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his
name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will
call him DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam & was a companion to him &
loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was
pleased. And Dog was content & wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian
angel came to the Lord & said, "Lord, Adam has become
filled with pride. He struts & preens like a peacock &
he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed
taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well."
And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him
a companion who will be with him forever & who will see
him as he is. The companion will remind him of his
limitations, so he will know that he is not always
worthy of adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat
would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's
eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme
being. And Adam learned humility.
And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And
Dog was happy. And the Cat didn't give a hoot one way
or the other.
-------------------------- Turning to serious stuff ....
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of
children while they drew. She would occasionally walk
around to see each child's artwork. As she came to one
little girl who was working diligently, she asked what
the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing
the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
FUNNY-BONE -- The Absolute Best in Clean Humor
(that's what they say, folks!)
Funny-Bone Web Site.- http://funny-bone.spunge.org
My Name Is........
There was this lady who was visiting a church one Sunday.
The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the
congregation fell asleep.
After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very
sleepy looking gentleman, extended her hand in greeting,
and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."
And the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one ma'am.
I'm glad it's done too!!!"
Jennifer found this for us...
One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a
long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and
tell Him that they were done with Him.
The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no
longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many
miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."
God listened very patiently and kindly to the man and after the scientist
was done talking, God said, "Very well, how about this, let's say we have a
'man-making' contest." To which the scientist replied, "OK, great!"
God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old
days with Adam." The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and
grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God just looked at him and said,
"No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!"
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