humor: oct 03 -- CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS

The Rector will preach his farewell
message after which the choir will
sing "Break Forth into Joy."

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say "hell" to someone who doesn't
care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were
married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in
their school days.

The ladies of the church have cast off
clothing of every kind and they may
be seen in the church basement Friday.

At the evening service tonight, the
sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently
needed, due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration
of several others.

Please join us as we show our support
for Amy and Alan in preparing for the
girth of their first child.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans,
bottles, and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used
to cripple children.

During the absence of our Pastor, we
enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing
a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied
our pulpit.

Please place your donation in the
envelope along with the deceased
person(s) you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent
speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of
fine dining, superb entertainment,
and gracious hostility.

This afternoon there will be a meeting
in the north and south ends of the church.
Children will be baptized at both ends.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm.--
prayer and medication to follow.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m.
Please use the large double door at
the side entrance.

The Rev. Adams spoke briefly,
much to the delight of his audience.

The eighth graders will be presenting
Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church
basement on Friday at 7 pm. The congrega-
tion is invited to attend this tragedy.

A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church.
It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls
on people who are not afflicted with any church.

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will
meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm.
Please use the back door.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

The third verse of "Blessed Assurance"
will be sung without musical accomplishment.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist
for the morning service. The pastor will
then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

In the church bulletin
during the minister's illness:
	GOD IS GOOD!
	Dr. Hargreaves is better.


SERIOUS STUGG --- God IS Good!
==============================
Luke 18:18   A certain ruler asked [Jesus],
"Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?"

19  "Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered.
"No one is good --except God alone.

20 You know the commandments: `Do not commit adultery,
do not murder, do not steal, do not give false testimony,
honor your father and mother.' "

21  "All these I have kept since I was a boy," he said.
22 When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack
one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor,
and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

23 When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was
a man of great wealth.   24 Jesus looked at him and said,
"How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!

25 Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye
of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

26 Those who heard this asked, "Who then can be saved?"
27 Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God."




Nick Brown
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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908
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