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humor: oct 08 -- Another Gaggle of Groaners (PUNS)
Nick's G-Rated Humor List
Taken from the GROANERS mailings
of Stan Kegel <firstname.lastname@example.org>
The use of amphibians for testing to determine the
probable outcome of a disease or condition is called:
Frognostication (By Stan Kegel)
Movie of the Week:
Greer Garson plays a suburban housewife who drives
the kids to soccer practice in a small buslike vehicle.
"Mrs. Minivan".(By Ken Pinkham)
Peter O'Toole as a developer building
low-cost housing for the Saudis.
"Low Rents of Arabia". (By Ken Pinkham)
"Unemployed" ... By Anita Job.
"The Sword in History" by Ray Pierre
(By Matin Conrad II)
Last Night Of Freedom ... By Marion Tomorrow
"Grave Mistakes" ... By Paul Bearer
"Your Future" .... By Horace Cope
Immanuel Kant's classical treatise on the
"a priori" existence of desiccated grapes.
"Critique of Pure Raisin" ( Gill Krebs)
AND MORE ....
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had four,
it would be a chicken sedan
Where do elderly photographers go
to live out their declining years?
The Old Focus Home (By Gary Hallock)
"Can Rex Reed?"
"Yes, but Emmanuel Kant."
"Did William Tell?"
"No, but Edgar Guest."
Would Gary Player?
No, but Tiger Wood.
Yesterday, I watched Norm put his wife in a box and truck
her to the Post Office. That's right, I saw Norman Mailer.
In your estimation, who was Babe Ruth?
A Ball Park Figure
(By Lars Hanson)
What's white and fluffy and swings through trees?
A meringue utang.
What do you call the highest ranking young
kangaroo in the Catholic Church?
The Joey Bishop.
"The reception on the shortwave radio is clearer now,"
Tom Swift said ecstatically.
A new nurse listened while Dr. Blake was yelling,
"Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" The new nurse asked
another nurse, "Why is he doing that?" The other
nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots
In mid November each year, all male turkeys are gathered
aboard a luxury ship for a well earned sea-going vacation.
In nautical circles, this has become known as the Tom Cruise.
What do cowboys use to signal each other
during a midnight round-up?
Communication Saddle Lights (By Stan Kegel)
I'm campaigning for government-subsidized portable
room dividers. Will you sign my partition?
Little Gordon's dad had been promising for years that
he could have a hunting bow when he turned 12. On his
birthday he unwrapped his gift box revealing the
long-sought-for bow. Yet Gordon was still disappointed.
"But dad, where are the arrows?" His cautious father
replied, I never promised you arrows, Gordon."
I went walking down the Marjorie Main
Until I came to the Allan Lane.
I turned right at the Clark Gable
and headed towards the Natalie Wood
which eventually gave way to the Steve Forrest
known to house all sorts of creatures of the Oscar Wilde.
Some time later I crossed over the Lloyd Bridges
and passed by the W.C. Fields
watched over by farmers which get their Ethel Waters
down by the Dinah Shore
of the great Veronica Lake.
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