humor: aug 07 -- Saturday Miscellany

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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Message from a subscriber ---
  Re: Kids are Dogs, Teens are Cats
Thanks to you, now I know what has been happening around here.
Had I only known I was dealing with cats, I'd have thrown them
out long ago!  Good laugh!  Love, Jan

================ !!!!!!!!!!! =================

Media Blitzed

In the house
	Of Mr & Mrs Spouse
He and she
	Would watch TV,
And never a word
	Between them was spoken
Until the day
	The set was broken.

Then, "How do you do?"
	Said He to She.
"I don't believe we've met.
	Spouse is my name.
What's yours?" he asked.
	"Why mine's the same!"
Said She to He
	"Do you suppose we could be ..."

But the set
came suddenly
right about
And they never
really did find out.

Contributed by Y.B.Nagesh to Randy Walker
who mails out Funny Bone <funnyguy@spunge.org>
================ !!!!!!!!!!! =================



In my day ......
Thanks to Thomas S. Ellsworth
     "Good Clean Fun"
http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor


In my day, we didn't have rocks. We had to go down to the
creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.
(Barry Blyveis, Columbia)


In my day, we didn't have dogs or cats. All I had
was Silver Beauty, my beloved paper clip.
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)


Back in the 1970s we didn't have the space shuttle to get
all excited about. We had to settle for men walking on the
crummy old moon.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)


In my day, we didn't have fancy health-food restaurants.
Every day we ate lots of animal parts, along with potatoes
drenched in melted fat from those animals. And we're all as
strong as GKK --- GAAK! Urrgh ... Thud.
(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)



>From Jeff w Owens <cowboyup.phs@juno.com>
Questions we should ask ourselves...
=========================================

Why is a carrot more
orange than an orange?

		Is boneless chicken classified
		as an invertebrate?

If vegetarians eat vegetables,
what do humanitarians eat?

		If olive oil is made from olives,
		what is baby oil made from?

How much deeper would the ocean be
if sponges didn't grow in it?

		Why are they called apartments when
		they're all stuck together?

Why doesn't glue stick
to the inside of the bottle?

		What do little birdies see when
		they get knocked unconscious?

Sooner or later, doesn't
everyone stop smoking?

		Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

Do fish get cramps after eating?

		What do you do when you see an endangered
		animal eating an endangered plant?


? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

I have sent these out before.
Do you remember them?  :-)

If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito,
then divorced him and married Jerry
Mathers, would her name be Liv Ito Beaver?

If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness,
then divorced him to marry Herman Munster,
she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster?

If Bea Arthur married Sting,
she'd be Bea Sting?

If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader,
she'd be Ella Vader?

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                      humor                            1.94.3+
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