humor: jul 21 -- Travel Policies

["Tim Treaster" <tim@bytewaresys.com>]

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Ed Ver Hoef forwarded some material he had received at his former place of
employment on very official looking stationery.  Official LOOKING, that is.
Read on!

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Due to budgetary constraints, the following policies have been established
regarding employees travelling on official business.

TRANSPORTATION
Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transportation is the preferred choice.
Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their
departure on company business trips.  Bus transportation will be used
whenever hitchhiking is not possible.  Airline tickets will only be
authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will
be used.  If, for example, a meeting is scheduled in Seattle but a lower
fare can be obtained by travelling to Detroit, then the meeting will be
relocated to Detroit.

LODGING
All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives, friends or mere
acquaintances while on company business.  If weather permits, public areas
such as parks, roadside rests and parking lots should be used for temporary
lodging sites.  Bridges and tunnels may provide shelter in periods of
inclement weather.

MEALS
Expenditures for meals will be limited to the absolute minimum.  It should
be noted that certain grocery chains such as KROGERS often provide free
samples of promotional items.  Entire meals often can be consumed in this
manner.  Travellers also should become familiar with indigenous roots,
berries and other protein sources available at their destination.  If
restaurants must be utilized, travellers should seek establishments
offering "all you can eat" salad bars.  This will be especially cost
effective to employees travelling together as a single plate can be used to
feed an entire group.  Employees also are encouraged to bring their own
food while on company business.  Cans of tuna fish, Spam and Beefaroni can
be consumed conveniently at your leisure without the unnecessary bother of
heating or other costly preparation.

ENTERTAINMENT
Entertainment, while on travel, is strictly discouraged.  If such
extravagances are required on customer contacts, the customer should be
encouraged to "pick up the tab".  Such action will save company money and
also convince the customer that we are concerned about spending money on
providing a good product -- not on useless frivolities. The hospitality
provided to our customers who visit our facility shall also be tasteful,
yet cost effective.  In lieu of extravagant dinners, a picnic bench will be
placed in the parking lot near the dumpster and a garden hose will be made
available so that liquid refreshments can be provided for our valued
customers.


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                      humor                            1.94.3+
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