BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN UTAH

["Brian Thelin" <Bthelin@idahoaccess.com>]

 BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN UTAH


1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many
people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the 
left
lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before
hitting the  construction barrels.

2. Turn signals are just clues as to your next move in road battle so
never use them.

3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance 
between you and
 the car in front of you no matter how fast you're going. If you do, 
the
space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more
dangerous situation.

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance 
you
have of getting hit.

5. Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.
(Remember no-fault insurance, he might not have much to lose, 
you do.)

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that 
your
anti-lock braking system kicks in to give you a nice relaxing foot 
massage
as the brake pedal pulsates.

7. Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately 
after you
pass the exit but before the traffic begins to back up.

8. The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to 
provide
useful information; they're just to make the Turnpike look  
progressive.

9. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a 
good way
to scare people entering the highway.

10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures to make Utah look as if it
conforms with other state policies; these are given only as 
suggestions
and are readily unenforceable.

11. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed 
up or
move over doesn't mean that the driver flashing his high beams 
behind you
doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

12. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut 
during
rush-hour traffic on I-15.

13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident 
or even a
person changing a tire. If you're lucky, you may see the unwitting
breakdown victim get mugged, the proceeds of which are vested 
directly
into the Democratic front-runner's campaign for governor.

14. Learn to swerve abruptly. UT is the home of the high-speed 
slalom
driving thanks to UDOT, who put potholes in key locations to test 
drivers'
reflexes and keep them on their toes.

15. It is traditional in Utah to honk your horn at cars that don't move
the instant the light changes.

16. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of 
way.

17. All unmarked exits on the Parkway lead to downtown Salt Lake.


Brian Thelin                      Bring IdahoAccess to you
Brian@Idahoaccess.com               IdahoAccess.com


A Linux machine! because a 486 is a terrible thing to waste!