Joke: R.I.P. (read in peace)

[Eric Thelin <eric@generation-i.com>]

R.I.P. (read in peace)


GRAVE STONES

            [XXX   Here lie some   XXX]
            [XXX    really great      XXX]
            [XXX     epitaphs....     XXX]


On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery,
Nova Scotia:
             Here lies
             Ezekial Aikle
             Age 102
             The Good
             Die Young.

In a London, England cemetery:
             Ann Mann
             Here lies Ann Mann,
             Who lived an old maid
             But died an old Mann.
             Dec. 8, 1767

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
             Anna Wallace
             The children of Israel wanted bread
             And the Lord sent them manna,
             Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
             And the Devil sent him Anna.

Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
             Here lies
             Johnny Yeast
             Pardon me
             For not rising.

Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania
cemetery:
             Here lies the body
             of Jonathan Blake
             Stepped on the gas
             Instead of the brake.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
             Here lays Butch,
             We planted him raw.
             He was quick on the trigger,
             But slow on the draw.

A lawyer's epitaph in England:
             Sir John Strange
             Here lies an honest lawyer,
             And that is Strange.

Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
             I was somebody.
             Who, is no business
             Of yours.

Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco,
Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in
the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:
            Here lies Lester Moore
            Four slugs from a .44
            No Les No More.

In a Georgia cemetery:
             "I told you I was sick!"

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
             Reader if cash thou art
             In want of any
             Dig 4 feet deep
             And thou wilt find a Penny.

On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond,
Virginia:
            She always said her feet were killing her
            but nobody believed her.

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
             On the 22nd of June
             - Jonathan Fiddle -
              Went out of tune.

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an
epitaph that sounds like something from a Three Stooges
movie:
             Here lies the body of our Anna
             Done to death by a banana
             It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
             But the skin of the thing that made her go.

More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London,
England:
             Gone away
             Owin' more
             Than he could pay.

Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood:
             In Memory of Beza Wood
             Departed this life
             Nov. 2, 1837
             Aged 45 yrs.
             Here lies one Wood
             Enclosed in wood
             One Wood
             Within another.
             The outer wood
             Is very good:
             We cannot praise
             The other.

On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
             Under the sod and under the trees
             Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
             He is not here, there's only the pod:
             Pease shelled out and went to God.

The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is
almost a consumer tip:
             Who was fatally burned
             March 21, 1870
             by the explosion of a lamp
             filled with "R.E. Danforth's
             Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"

Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
             Born 1903--Died 1942
             Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
             the car was on the way down. It was.

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
             Here lies an Atheist
             All dressed up
             And no place to go.
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