Joke: The Rules

[Eric Thelin <eric@generation-i.com>]

Rules Guys wish women knew:

1. If you think your fat, you probably are.  Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he
   can find the perfect present, again! 
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
   you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to
   discuss such topics as naval lint, the shotgun formation and monster
   trucks.  
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different; it's just like every
   other cat. 
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
    tides.  Let it be.
11. Shopping is not a sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad
    probably is too. 
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries
    on a calendar.
19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point
    blank range.  We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes, what makes you think we'd
    be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good  with
    your dress.  
21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil.
26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    All comments become null and void after 7 days. 
30. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
    to act like soap opera guys. 
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
    makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one. 
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how
    pretty you are? 
33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done
    - not both. 
35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
36. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to
    complain about having their boobs stared at. 
38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you.  We need it, just like you do.
39. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed
    makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to
    deter us from reading the magazines.