[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]
Joke: June 13/14 - Weekend Funnies
_ _ __
(_) ___ | | _____ ___ / _|
| |/ _ \| |/ / _ \ / _ \| |_
| | (_) | < __/ | (_) | _|
_/ |\___/|_|\_\___| \___/|_|
_ _ _
| |_| |__ ___ __| | __ _ _ _
| __| '_ \ / _ \ / _` |/ _` | | | |
| |_| | | | __/ | (_| | (_| | |_| |
\__|_| |_|\___| \__,_|\__,_|\__, |
"The World's Largest Daily Joke List"
# To get a Great Joke everyday, send a blank e-mail to: #
# Join@joke-of-the-day.com #
# mailto:JOIN@joke-of-the-day.com #
# or go here #
# http://a.joke-of-the-day.com/X?/1205-3886899/SUB #
# FREE FREE FREE FREE #
To ADVERTISE, reaching more than 5,000,000 people per month
E-mail us at: SPONSOR@joke-of-the-day.com
June 13/14, 1998
Yesterday's What We Leaned From The Moview did reasonably OK
A4.7 from Joke-Of-The-Day.com members.
S O Y O U T H I N K Y O U ' R E F U N N Y
CALL FOR ENTRIES Sketch Comedy Competition (June 16)
SPONSORED BY: CAROLINES, New York's premier Comedy Club,& the
ComicBible, the top publication for comedians
WHY: Major prizes, great PR and of course fame
FULL DETAILS Go the very bottom of this email
JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com is a proud sponsor of the competition
Email for info: mailto:ComicBible@aol.com
Rate the Joke below! and *** FORWARD TO FRIENDS ***
Spread The Fun
THE 9 TYPES OF GIRLFRIENDS
- Submitted by K. Smith
We ran the Ten Types of Boyfriends before.
Check our archives if you want to find it.
Ms. Nice Guy - "Tickets to the boxing match?
Oh Darling, you shouldn't have!"
Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys,
my main squeeze, doormat.
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly.
Disadvantages: May wise up someday.
Old Yeller - "You G-D spineless good-for-nothing
no-talent SOB! Can't you see you're making me miserable??"
Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell.
Advantages: Pays attention to you.
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans.
Sickly - " Oh, my head. My head. My feet.
My cramps. My cellulite!"
Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy.
The Bosser - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie.
Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money.
Don't give me that look."
Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all,
Ball and Chain, Yes mom.
Advantages: Often right.
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?
Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide.
Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?"
Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart,
Typical, Aw c'mon Honey.
Advantages: Easily soothed.
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed.
Wild Woman out of Control - "I've got an idea.
Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn.
I done it before. S'fun."
Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler,
goodtime charleena, passed out.
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys.
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs.
Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those
silly cartoons you keep snickering at."
Also known as: No fun, humorless prig,
Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly.
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you.
Disadvantages: You will have no friends.
Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will
explain how I feel about our relationship."
Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl,
Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic.
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable.
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud.
Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just
the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend.
I think we must make love like crazed weasels now."
Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess,
Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous.
Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited.
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.
YOU'RE THE CRAZY ONE
- Submitted by Muffin374
A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and
he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen!
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks
in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside
the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!
YOU'VE GOT TO TRY THIS (PG 13)
- Submitted by Cindy Kelm
Do Microsoft Developers have a problem that we don't know about???
1. Open a new document in Word.
2. Type "Unable to follow directions" (without the quotes).
3. Highlight the entire sentence you just typed.
4. Click "Tools"; "Language"; "Thesaurus" (or hit shift-F7
to open the thesaurus).
5. Replace with the given synonym...
*** VISIT SOME OF OUR JOKE MEMBER's SITES ***
They Worked hard on them, so give 'em a look
(To Read an Email we received about how helpful this
was to someone's website, read below the URLs)
Taylor Morgan http://www.powernet.net/~wolfpac
D. Smith http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Lights/6783
Zara Doggett http://www2.netcom.com/~richzara/
Bryan Kollar http://members.tripod.com/~alfster/links.html
Woo-Ha Clan http://www.geneseo.edu/~tcs1/wooha/wooha.html
Sody Kahlon http://www.geocities.com/Broadway/Stage/9731/
Orla Irishqueen http://www.orla.simplenet.com
David Fleming http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Acropolis/9399/fun.html
Larry Hartman http://members.aol.com/bv98/Jokes.htm
John Werner http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Hills/3717.
Vickie B Rapunzel's http://www.angelfire.com/oh/DIAMONDS
lJason Vanlandingham http://www.geocities.com/MotorCity/Track/1053/page1.html
*** TO BE LISTED HERE - and to get more than 1,000 visits to
your site (SEE PROOF BELOW) you must have Joke-Of-The-Day's link
and LOGO on your site and preferably on your home page.
(you can copy our logo from our website)
After you have linked to us E-mail us your URL to:
Here is an email we received after we ran his Home page
"Just over a month ago my web site address was displayed on one
of the daily joke e-mails. I received more hits that day than I
would normally get in a month, and for that I am obviously very
grateful. But the story doesn't end there, as my website is updated
extensively every week, the people who visited me through the link
which you carried just keep coming back!
As a direct result of the extra exposure Joke-Of-The-Day gave me,
I decided to completely redesign my site, leading to more and more
people signing my guest book and e-mailing me. I just wanted to
thank you all for bringing a new lease of life to 'Mackie's World'!
RATE THE JOKE: From 1 - 7 (1 = Lousy, 7 = Hilarious)
If you received this e-mail directly from
Joke-of-the-day then just hit "REPLY" and type your
rating (1 - 7) in the message and send it to us.
IF THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN FORWARDED to you, then send
e-mail to email@example.com with rating
in body of the message. Results will be posted tomorrow
You will also be automatically subscribed to the list
SUBSCRIBE firstname.lastname@example.org 100% FREE
------------- or better yet, subscribe through our website
and tell us what kind of jokes you like
NOTICE You will never receive this e-mail unsolicited from
------------- JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com. We are a subscription service only.
If you have received this and have not subscribed, then
someone had either forwarded you the message or has
UNSUBSCRIBE But if for any reason you do not wish to be notified of future
------------- programs, click here:
and we will remove your name from our list.
SUBMIT A JOKE SubmitJoke@joke-of-the-day.com
------------- We will list your name, unless otherwise instructed
We do not accept copyrighted material. All
Jokes are either written by us
or are believed to be in the public domain. Thank You.
Copyright 1998 JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com / TWT. All Rights reserved
Permission is granted to for noncommercial reprinting or distribution of
Joke-of-the-Day's Jokes as long as this full copyright notice is included
including the subscription information below.
TO GET A JOKE EVERYDAY, E-mail us at email@example.com
DETAILS OF COMEDY SKETCH COMPETIN
6-8 sketch comedy groups from around the World will be chosen to
perform at Caroline's Comedy Club where they will be judged by a
panel of industry professionals.
The event will continue to take place every other month for a
year. Winning groups from each of the six competitions will
compete at Caroline's for prizes, performance and title during
A Major Comedy Festival The final competition will also be taped.
There will be a $10.00 processing fee for tapes, check or m/o made
out to Caroline s Comedy Club. For selection/ participation send
tape/bio/press kit and check for processing fee to:
Caroline s Comedy Club; 1626 Broadway; New
York, NY 10019 ATTN: MaryAnn Pierro; Sketchejd
Note: Tapes must be clearly marked w/contact name & #, and time.
Tapes will not be returned.
CALL FOR ENTRIES
Carolines Comedy Club will present Funny Shorts. An ongoing funny
short film festival. Series beginning in May and continuing every
other month. The best of May films will be chosen to showcase at
Carolines for Toyota Comedy Festival on June 11, 1998.
Prizes will be awarded, and all selected films
will be seen by industry.
Seeking short funny films no longer than 10 minutes.
Tapes must be clearly marked w/contact name, phone number,
and time. There is a $5.00 processing fee per tape, checks
made out to Caroline's Comedy Club. Send materials, check,
and VHS tape to: Carolines Comedy Club;
1626 Broadway; New York, NY 10019 ATTN: MaryAnn Pierro/ Funny Shortjd
Tapes will not be returned.