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Subject: State Stuff
Alabama: At Least We're not Mississippi
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing
California: As Seen on TV
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum,
But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We're Not, But The
Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois: Gateway to Iowa
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: Land of James T. Kirk
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our
Maine: Cheap Lobster
Maryland: A Thinking Man's Delaware
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most
Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians
Minnesota: For Sale
Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work
Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, and Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest Nevada: P&P -
Prostitutes and Poker! New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right
to an Attorney
North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable
North Dakota: Um... We've got... Um... Dinosaur Bones? Yeah,
Ohio: Don't Judge Us by Cleveland
Oklahoma: Like the Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl, It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember the Civil War? We Didn't Actually
Surrender South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota Tennessee: The
Educashun State Texas: Se Hablo Ingles Utah: Our God Is Better
Than Your God Vermont: Yep Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs
and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix? Washington: Help! We're Overrun By
Nerds and Slackers! Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor? West
Virginia: One Big Happy Family - Really! Wisconsin: Come Cut Our
Cheese Wyoming: Wy not?
Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State
Lottery? 3 dollars a year for a million years.
What do a Divorce in Alabama, a Tornado in Kansas and a Hurricane
in Florida have in common? Somebody's fixin' to lose them a house
Why do folks from Alabama go to the movie theater in groups of 18
or more? Nobody admitted 17 and under.
What do you get when you have 8 Alabamians in the same room? A
full set of teeth.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Alabama? Everyone has the same
A new law was passed in Alabama recently: when a couple gets a
divorce, they're still brother and sister.
An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire, rushed next
telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My
is on fire!" "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Say, don't you still have those big red trucks?"
The Alabamian and his gal were embracing passionately in the
front seat of the car. "Want to go in the back seat?" she asked.
"No," he replied. A few minutes later she asked, "Now do you want
to get in
back seat?" "No," he said again, "I wanna stay here in the front
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
The Top 39 Things You Would NEVER Hear A Southerner Say:
39. "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
30. Rasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my hair is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, do these bonsai trees need watering?
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spitting is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and ridicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on a floppy disk.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
8. She's too old to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen. 5.
I don't have a favorite college team. 4. Be sure to bring my
salad dressing on the side. 3. I believe you cooked those green
beans too long. 2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer,
And the #1 thing you would NEVER hear a Southerner say is--
1. Elvis who?