cute

["Brian Thelin" <Bthelin@Idahoaccess.com>]

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center.  Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants.  I quickly reassured her
that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
bring her daughter in to the ER right away.
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Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the field decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in
getting it out of the plant and home.  When they took it for a float
on the Stilliguamish River, they were quite surprised by a coast guard
helicopter homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when
the raft is inflated.  They are no longer employed there.
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I worked for a while at a Wal-Mart store, selling sporting goods. As
an employee of Wal-Mart you are sometimes required to make store-wide
pages, e.g.,"I have a customer in hardware who needs assistance at the
paint counter."  One night a tentative female voice came over the
intercom system with the (I kid you not) following message:  "I have a
customer by the balls in toys who needs assistance."
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A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeders.
But one day, everyone was under the speed limit, the officer found the
problem: a 10 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a
huge hand painted sign which said "RADAR TRAP AHEAD."  A little more
investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another
boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading "TIPS"
and a bucket at his feet, full of change.
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A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He
stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In
the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.  "No sense
pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he said to
himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. 
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in.  "Here," she said, handing
him his pack of cigarettes.  "I found them in the hallway." "Now," she
said, "if only I could find my parakeet."