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Joke: January 29 - Saying Goodbye the 90s Way!
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TODAY's JOKE
January 29, 1998
====================
RESULTS:
Yesterday's '"WhiteHouse Internship Application" did quite well
although the White House E-mailed us that they do accept men as well.
It seems there is a demand there as well from so of the ladies in the
White House. A 5.6 from Joke-Of-The-Day.com
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SAYING GOODBYE THE 90s WAY
- Submitted by William Conway
--------------------------------------
NOTE: At Joke-Of-the-day.com, we believe in equal opportunity abuse
so all of you ladies out there, watch the next couple of day
for jokes get even with this one.
Saying goodbye to the 90's way
Men often find blowing off a woman the most difficult part of the dating
process. The closest they ever come to telling a woman it's over is to
look her straight in the eye and say, "I'll call you next week." But there
is now a great way to blow a woman off. It's safe, it's affordable and the
best thing is the female has no opportunity to throw things at you. It's
at your fingertips right now: E-mail. That's how all the happening, 90's
kind of guys are telling women they are not worthy. You'll feel like a
real man knowing you have told her how you really feel from the safety of
your keyboard. And you can delete her response without ever reading it.
What could be more painless?
Following is an email rejection letter: Men can use it the next time they
need to put their main squeeze on notice. The text of the letter follows:
Dear (her name),
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
contention to become the future Mrs. (your last name). As you are probably
aware, the
competition was exceedingly tough this year and dozens of well-qualified
candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will,
however, keep your name on file should an opening become available.
So that you may find better success in your future romantic
endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reasons you were
disqualified from the
competition:
(men will check those that apply)
_____Your failure to reach for your purse in even a feigned attempt to pay
for dinner by the fourth date displayed a stunning ignorance of basic
economics.
______Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms and K-Y Jelly by the
truckload" indicates that you may be slightly over-qualified for the
position.
______You failed the 20 question rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about
yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
______The only question you did ask was how much money I make.
______You neglected to reach over and unlock my car door from the inside
after I opened the passenger side door for you.
______My breasts are bigger than yours.
______Your height is out of proportion with your weight. If you should,
however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit
your application.
______Your repeated comments such as, "Is it still called a penis when it's
this small?" were both uncalled for and thoughtless.
______The way you enthusiastically jumped on stage at the alternative bar
and danced with the lesbians demonstrated that you are far too
impressionable and have a disconcerting lack of commitment to
heterosexuality.
______Your revelation that you would most certainly allow your ex-boyfriend
to shack up with you again after he "beats that domestic abuse rap" shows
compassion but makes it difficult to take you seriously.
______Although your inability to achieve orgasm was of paramount importance
to me, your suggestion that we invite the basketball team into the bedroom
so it would be "just like college" seemed somewhat extreme and
inappropriate.
______I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely,
(Your name)
A FEW MORE FROM THE WHITE HOURS
-----------------------------------
Keep Sending us your clinton jokes to: CLINTON@joke-of-the-day.com
******************************
NOTE: Zippergate seems to be winning out of Forna-gate
Clinton jokes or more appropriate- TRUISMS!
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see
one of his aides nervously approach him.
"What is it?" exclaims the President.
"Its this Abortion Bill Mr. President, what do you want to do about
it?" the aide replies.
"Just go ahead and pay it." responds the President.
- Christopher Lennon
**********
NEWSWEEK did a survey:
100 women surveyed were asked, "Would you sleep with the
president"?
81 replied, "Never Again".
- Tung, See Hon
**********
I don't understand all the fuss about Clinton. He's just giving the
people what they want; sex and Gore.
- George Okeefe
PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR. Thanks
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