Humor: Computer Christmas carols (sing these out loud)

[jondd@juno.com (Jon D Dayley)]

Spread the Christmas cheer...

>Microsoft
> ---------
> (to the tune of "Jingle Bells" starting with "dashing
>  thru the snow...")
> 
> Nine-tenths of a gig,
> Biggest ever seen,
> Gosh, this program's big--
> MS Word 15!
> Comes on ten CDs,
> And requires--dang!
> Word is fine, but jeez--
> 60 megs of RAM?!
> Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft,
> Bloatware all the way!
> I've sat here installing Word
> Since breakfast yesterday!
> Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft,
> Moderation, please.
> Guess you hadn't noticed:
> Four-gig drives don't grow on trees!
> 
> **************************************************
>
> Happily Addicted to the Web
> ---------------------------
> (to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")
> 
> Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
> From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
> I'm happy--although
> My boss let me go--
> Happily addicted to the Web...
> All night long, I sit clicking,
> Unaware time is ticking,
> There's beard on my cheek,
> Same clothes for a week,
> Happily addicted to the Web...
> Friends come by; they shake me,
> Saying, "Yo, man!
> Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
> With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man;
> I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"
> I don't phone, don't send faxes,
> Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
> Who cares if someday
> They drag me away?
> I'm happily addicted to the Web!
>
> **********************************************
>
> Bill Gates Song
> ---------------
> (to the tune of "The Christmas Song")
> 
> Netscape roasting on an open fire,
> Apple begging on its knees,
> Photo popping up on Time magazine,
> Yes, Bill Gates dreams of days like these!
> Everybody knows he's never fully satisfied,
> Throws himself behind each task,
> World dominion is his company's goal.
> Well, hey, is that so much to ask?
> He knows the world is in his sway,
> We'll buy whatever software he might toss our way,
> We'll surf his Internet, watch his TV,
> He'll take us anywhere we ask him--for a fee.
> And so we're offering this simple prayer,
> To Bill and all his MS grunts:
> Since we all follow any standard you write,
> Make it good, please,
> Make it good, please,
> Make it good, please, just once!
> ********************************************
> 
>And now for all you Mac fans............... 
>
> 
> Prove It's So!
> --------------
> (to the tune of "Let It Snow")
>
> Oh, the papers say Apple's dying,
> But before we start good-byeing,
> We should call them all up and go,
> "Prove it's so! Prove it's so! Prove it's so!"
> They say "Mac OS software's scarcer."
> We say, "Read those numbers, there, sir,
> Sales continued this year to grow.
> There ya go, there ya go, there ya go!"
> When they tell us Win 95
> Made the Mac's famed advantages ebb,
> We'll say, "Why, then, do Macs now drive
> 60 percent of the Web?"
> We can win our PR reversal--
> Make the Mac be universal--
> Though we may have some years to go,
> Make it so, make it so, make it so!
> 
> ****************************************************
>
> I'm Dreaming of a Clean System
> ------------------------------
> (to the tune of "White Christmas")
>
> I'm dreaming of a clean System,
> Something that fits on one CD.
> Each component matches,
> Not bits and patches,
> Unlike 7-5-point-3.
> I'm longing for a dream System,
> Small, stable, fast, and trouble-free.
> What we want, I think you'll agree,
> Is called System 6-point-oh-3!
> 
> *******************************************************
> 
> Violent Night
> -------------
> (to the tune of "Silent Night")
>
> Silent Mac, broken Mac!
> System bombed, screen went black.
> Books suggested things; I tried 'em all:
> Shift key, desktop file, clean reinstall.
> Now my deadline is tight,
> This Mac's been silent all night.
> Violent night, horrible night!
> Lost my cool, filled with spite,
> Threw my Mac through the balcony door
> Watched it fall from the 20th floor,
> Now I'm sleeping in peace;
> Thank God I had it on lease.
> 
> **************************************************
> 
> Gil Amelio's Coming to Town!
> ----------------------------
> (to the tune of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town")
> 
> You better watch out,
> Absurd as it sounds,
> 'Cause Apple's about
> To lose a few pounds--
> Gil Amelio's coming to town!
> He's making a list,
> And trimming the rolls
> Of projects that missed
> Their revenue goals--
> Gil Amelio's coming to town!
> He knows what's losing money,
> Like eWorld, PowerTalk . . .
> You'd better make your project work
> Or prepare to take a walk!
> 
> Though you follow his lead
> Right out the back door,
> You know he'll succeed--
> He's done it before!
> Gil Amelio's coming to town!
> 
> *********************************************
>
> God Rest Ye Copland Programmers
> -------------------------------
> (to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen")
> 
> 
>
> God rest ye Copland programmers,
> It's finally Christmas Day.
> You've all worked 20-hour shifts
> Beginning back in May.
> No wonder after such neglect
> Your spouses moved away.
> The last real meal you had
> Was late last year--
> That's what we hear;
> And since then you've lived on
> Pizza, Coke, and (root) beer.
> 
> Your bosses change, and change their minds,
> Is Copland off or on?
> Are last week's OS plans in place
> Or now completely gone?
> God rest ye well this Christmas Day,
> You'd better sleep in late--
> It's the last sleep you'll get till '98.
> Isn't that great?
> It's the last day off you'll have till '98!