Microsoft Addresses Justice Department Accusation

[lisa.pennington@microchip.com (Lisa Pennington)]

Microsoft Addresses Justice Department Accusations
     
REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made by 
the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will 
be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an 
undisclosed sum.
     
"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said Microsoft 
chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive arrangement for 
everyone".
     
Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the White 
House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press 
that changes will be "minimal". The United States will be managed as a 
wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is planned 
for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be 
profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to Microsoft president Steve 
Ballmer.
     
In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly and 
enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with Microsoft, and 
will continue to manage the United States government, reporting directly to 
Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of executive 
authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a relief". He went 
on to say that Gates has a "proven track record", and that U.S. citizens 
should offer Gates their "full support and confidence".
     
Clinton will reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually he 
has earned as U.S. president, in his new role at Microsoft.
     
Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond as 
"silly", though he did say that he would make executive decisions for the 
U.S. government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters. Gates 
went on to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be abolished. 
 "Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look how well we're 
doing".
     
When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was proceeding, 
Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking place".
     
Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that United 
States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in government 
services and discounts on all Microsoft products.
     
About Microsoft
Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in 
software for personal computers, and democratic government. The company 
offers a wide range of products and services for public, business and 
personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and more 
enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal 
computing and free society every day.
     
About the United States
Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful nation 
in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy and 
opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C., the 
United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation.
     
"The United States of America" and "Microsoft" are registered trademarks of 
Microsoft Corporation.